Pre-Ramble:  Why, you ask, am I looking to jettison my beloved husband after 25 years of marriage? You must not have been at the Minnesota Golden Gopher’s basketball game on Saturday afternoon.

Saturday morning, we set out on what was supposed to be some meaningful family bonding time. Minnesota was hosting the University of Michigan Wolverines (Yay!! Go Blue!!) at home in The Barn — a closely-matched game, to be played to a sold-out crowd. 

As some of you may know, Kirk and I have a mixed marriage.  He is a rabid, over-the-top, gigantic-green-and-white-chip-on-his-shoulder, Michigan State Spartan, and I am a humble, innocent, mild-mannered Michigan Wolverine. Our eldest daughter, in a blatant act of defiance, elected to attend the University of Minnesota, and is now, of course, considered a Golden Gopher. (You’ve got to admit, that the Goldy Gopher team mascot is pretty adorable.) Our college-bound younger daughter, while still officially undeclared, has been a fiercely loyal Michigan fan ever since I taught her to belt out the Wolverine fight song at age two. As you can see, our family has quite the spirited Big Ten rivalry going.

So, back in The Barn … we are sitting in our lovely scalped seats, engaged in idle chatter, waiting for the game to begin, when Sparty pulls out his cell-phone. Before I know what’s happening, he snaps a random photo of my daughter and me. Oh, ha-ha, isn’t that funny … a throw-away, out-of-focus photo of us looking less than our best. … 

In fact, if this is even possible, this photo is worse than the picture on my driver’s license, (think trailer park, two-pack-a-day, faded floral house coat, a couple of missing teeth … ), which I had immediately taken back to the Department of Motor Vehicles to be re-done. (The surly guy behind the counter concurred – the photo was so bad, he wouldn’t even let me pay for the re-shoot.) Take my word for it, this impromptu shot of my daughter and me was highly suboptimal.

Cut to half-time:  The Wolverines have been behind for the entire game and are now down by a dozen points. We are sitting there, trying our best to be good sports, and, as if it isn’t bad enough that my daughter and I are the ONLY TWO people in the entire room rooting for the Mighty Wolverines, I look up during a time-out … to see the hideous photo – ON THE JUMBO-TRON – IN FRONT OF 14,000 PEOPLE.

The Take-Away:  He’s yours for the taking … handy around the house, … snores a bit, … makes a decent pancake, … likes to read, … totally sophomoric sense of humor.

Post-Note:  The Wolverines ended up winning the game by 3 points.

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