Pre-Ramble: Hi everyone – it’s me, Daisy!  It’s been forever since my last posting, so I thought I’d weigh in with a few tips for the new First Canine, Bo. According to a recent White House blog, Bo, a Portuguese Water Dog, is a gift from Senator and Mrs. Kennedy to Sasha and Malia. How thoughtful. Apparently, the Kennedy’s have a bunch of Water Dogs over at their house. 

Great name choice, by the way … it’s short and snappy and easy to say in a variety of intonations, like the chipper, “Good dog, Bo!” … or the executive, “Come over here, Bo!” … or the punitive, “Bad dog, Bo!” … or the ominously stark and foreboding, “Bo-ooo.” 

Like myself, Portuguese Water Dogs make excellent companions; they are “soft, cuddly, cute, loving, independent, and very intelligent.”  Unlike myself, Water Dogs are excellent retrievers and and easily trained in obedience and agility skills. Okay, so, Bo, … listen up, buddy … take it from someone older and wilier… here are a few general tips to make the puppy-hood experience a little smoother for you:

• “Sit” is the default mode – If you’re confused about protocol, just lower your rear end into the good-dog sit position and wait for further instruction.
• If it falls on the floor, it is now technically in your jurisdiction and you have full authority to eat it.
• Just spit it out — If you get into a situation where you have inadvertently bitten, chewed, slobbered on, or otherwise made an unwise decision about something that ends up in your mouth, just own your mistake, spit it out onto the carpet, and assume the default position (see above).
• Rookie mistake – pooping in the house. Next to chewing up priceless national heirlooms, this is the least acceptable thing you can do — ’nuff said.
• Dude — really??  I read that the Portuguese Water Dog was originally used in Portugal (duh) to herd fish into nets and act as “ship-to-shore couriers.”  The dogs would ride in fishing trawlers through the icy Atlantic Ocean to the “frigid fishing waters off the coast of Iceland.”  Fishing trawlers?!?  Icy water??  First of all, there is absolutely no reason a dog has to get their paws wet. Secondly, nothing smells worse than a wet dog – except a wet dog with a dead fish in its mouth. Fishing is out, swimming is out, and cold weather is out (unless you have a Land’s End squall jacket like mine; good to 20 degrees below zero).
• Retrieving is a no-go – If the folks want to throw it, they can go get it. Simple. They’ll make all sorts of noise, pointing and flailing around at the rubber chew toy (yawn), but after a few sessions of you not buying it, they’ll eventually go off and busy themselves with something more meaningful.
• Four on the floor — Sounds like your breed likes to jump up on people in friendly greeting. BIG MISTAKE. People hate it when muddy paws trash their best “going to meet the President” clothes and you’ll just end up in your crate.
• Ditto for dancing along on your hind legs with nose above counter level, a.k.a., “counter surfing.” I can’t discourage this behavior more strongly.  Trust me on this, Bo – snagging people food off the kitchen counters is totally a “bad dog” move and will result in a stern talking to, or worse. I once ate two dozen Krispy Creme donuts from an unauthorized location and ended up retching on the front lawn.
• Nobody’s fool — Man-up there, Bo! DO NOT …, I repeat …, DO NOT let the staff dress you up; (that unfortunate picture of you in the Hawaiian flowered thing was all over the Internet …)
• Manipulating humans is a piece of cake – If you want something, just plant yourself in the sit position (see default mode above) and make solid eye contact with the nearest human (if you can identify the weakest link, so much the better). Once you’ve got an intensity stare going, cock your head just ever so slightly to one side and give the tip of your tail a little wag. Humans think this is the CUTEST THING EVER and will fork over treats, snuggles, walks, keys to the motorcade … whatever you want.

The Take-Away: That’s it for now — you’ve got a lot of sniffing around to do. I’m guessing plenty of people have been trying to mark their territory over there.  And, I’m sure the Big House has wifi — when you’ve had a chance to bone up on the latest technology, let’s Twitter.

Post Note:  Get some security clearance, and I’ll send you a couple of fresh chipmunks.

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