Pre-Ramble:  When I got out of bed this morning the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and life was good. Little did I know that the power and reach of modern technology would be able to foul my day so swiftly and completely.

You’re probably thinking, “OH NO, Kath had another traumatic computer event … POOR THING, … third time in three years… she should just cash it in and take up knitting.”

Or maybe you’re thinking that another hideous photo of me has been tagged on Facebook. (This would be true, but isn’t the source of my woes this morning.)

Contrary to the massively unspectacular spread of  H1N1, you may be concerned that my system has contracted some sort of  debilitating virus … which, thankfully, is not the case.

No - it is far more insidious than any of those things …

… this morning I had an email message in my inbox from the Minnesota Golf Association (MGA) … giving me an update on MY CURRENT GOLF HANDICAP!

Thanks.  Thanks for that.  No amount of coffee can prepare a person for such a rude assault … and so early in the day.  This intrusion is clearly out of bounds.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the sport (and let me congratulate you on your ignorance), the golf handicap system was introduced by the USGA (United States Golf Association) in the early 20th Century.

With a handicapping system, a weaker player is given strokes on certain holes on a golf course. That is, on a particular hole, the weaker player may be allowed to “take a stroke,” i.e., deduct a stroke from his or her score for that hole.  At the end of the round, the two players of differing abilities can figure their “net score,” i.e., their gross minus the strokes they were allowed to take/deduct … A player’s official USGA Handicap Index is derived from a complicated formula that takes into account adjusted gross score, course rating and slope rating.

Simple.  And apparently, “once armed with a course handicap, a golfer is ready to play on an equal basis with any other golfer in the world.” (I’ll take that bet.)

The Take-Away: Look – I know that I am a bad golfer…  Anyone who has played with me knows that I am a bad golfer … Certainly, by the steady uptrend of the ridicules scores I have posted over the past couple of years, the folks at the MGA know that I am a bad golfer… So, do we really need to revisit that fact?  

I think what we have established here is that, not only is technology capable of pointing out (via some intra-meta-tech twist) that I am technologically challenged, but it also has the capacity to remind me, in an unnecessarily cruel random-hit form of technological water-boarding, that I am a severely challenged golfer as well. Perhaps, as with the technosphere, the Universe is suggesting that I should consider trading in the clubs for a set of knitting needles?

Post Note: I have news for both cyberspace and the MGA – I have already staked my claim in this realm, and have the hand-knit, two-inch wide scarf/jumprope to prove it.

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