Pre-Ramble:  So, the miracles of modern marketing strategy aren’t always as miraculous – or as accurate — as we might hope. I’m thinking that perhaps our class action fears around stuff like Homeland Security, Big Brother, Google, and tracking cookies are unfounded. 

Just the other day I received an email from my BFF Amazon.com letting me in on a bunch of products that it was sure, in its omniscient e-wisdom, I’d be interested in.

When it comes to books, my buddies at Amazon are, more often than not, able to gather up a handful of titles that are vaguely relevant to items that I have purchased from them in the past. I don’t mind that. In fact, I have often responded to their suggestions with a spontaneous click to the Quik Checkout button. 

The other day however, it presented a collection of goods that were so off-base, it was laughable. 

Dear Amazon.com Customer — As someone who has shown an interest in cooking and home products, you might like to know about our Summer Sale on over 400 products … blah … blah …”

Among the array of ”cooking and home products” that had been assembled for my consideration were: the George Foreman 360 Grill, complete with 5 interchangeable grill plates; the Shun steel angled 6-inch utility knife; and the Rachel Ray 10-piece anodized cookware set in orange.  All of this would have been great, except that the item which I had ordered from Amazon that in all likelihood had triggered this series of cutting edge marketing communications was The Twinkies Cookbook (2006).

I know what you’re thinking — cooking at its finest, right?  And if the brightly colored Hostess logo on the cover doesn’t sell you, the cadre of gourmet recipes and user testimonials inside will have you scrambling for your PayPal password. As you can imagine, I had some real trouble trying to decide which delectable concoction I would like to make first.

• Twinkie Petits Fours – “I created this recipe in honor of my dad, using his favorite treats — Twinkies and chocolate. They are so good, and no one believes me when I tell them what they are.”  Barb C. from Bakersfield, CA … (I know I’d be incredulous.)
• Twinkie Sushi – “It’s nice to serve Twinkie Sushi at a dinner party on a Japanese tray with chopsticks. Your guests will laugh while they enjoy a refreshing fruity dessert at the same time.” Clare C. Baton Rouge, LA … ( Can’t you just hear the guests chuckling now?)
• Twinkie Smoothie – “This Hostess original recipe was created to commemorate Twinkies’ 75th anniversary. It’s best served parlor style with two straws!”  ( A good beverage is all about texture.)
• Twinkie Kebabs – “This was a spur-of-the-moment idea. I had leftover fruit, but not enough Twinkies to give each of the gals at my candle-making party her own. This recipe saved the day!” Dianne M. from Lakemoor, IL … (PHEW – disaster averted, Dianne!!)
• Twinkie Shortcake – “When my sister-in-law made this recipe for a family dinner, everyone thought she had worked her tail off in the kitchen. She shared the secret of this quick and easy dessert with only the women. Now it’s become our inside joke when we make it — the men think we’ve slaved away for them.” Debbie J. from Saint Augustine, FL … (Wink, wink … I know my stupid husband wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between traditional strawberry shortcake and a pile of cut up Twinkies covered in Cool Whip…)
• Twinkie Tunnel Bundt Cake – “I make this cake for special occasions and when company is coming. People love the surprise of finding the Twinkies hidden inside the chocolate cake!” Darlene C. from Piper Cove, MN … (A delightful “Gotcha!” moment to be sure … And, the Bundt pan itself was invented in Minnesota too!)

The Take-Away: I thought that ”Twinkie Cookbook” was an oxymoron.  Clearly not. In cyberspace, fashioning quasi-edible food matter into faux-food formats is considered cooking. Who knew?  Well, … until the next edition comes out, I’ll be out back grilling up some consumables on the George Foreman.

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