Pre-Ramble: So, like many of you, I was torn between the grand spectacle of the 2010 Olympic Games in Vancouver and the other grand spectacle of sorts – Spring Fashion Week in Bryant Park. Looks like we can cover both.
I mean no disrespect when I say that I found the vibe of the Olympics’ opening ceremonies to be an odd mash-up between Lord of the Dance, Hee-Haw and Peter Pan. The choppy step-dance moves executed by giant rag-dolls in lime green and buffalo plaid were curious enough, and then to have solo flailing denim boy swooping back and forth on a wire … I couldn’t decide if the display was innovative and magical or quirky and lame.
In the spirit of positive international relations with our close neighbors to the North, Vancouver’s efforts in the “Best Opening Ceremonies for an Olympics” event get the Bronze.
Mean girls – Another odd Olympic fashion moment occurred on the podium following the Women’s downhill race. American sweetheart, Lindsay Vonn had edged her team rival, Julia Mancuso by 0.56 seconds to win the gold medal. During the award ceremony, in what can only be described as an envious-kindergartener-trying-to-upstage-the-birthday-girl move, Mancuso stood on the podium next to the radiant Vonn to accept the silver, wearing some kind of little rhinestone princess tiara. It was sad.
Faux=no! And, somebody needs to take the men’s figure-skating athletes aside and give them some do’s and don’t's on wardrobe. DO wear sleek monochromatic suits with some subtle, manly detail, … even a little fuchsia or bling is acceptable. DON’T even lace up your skates if you have the shape of a vest and necktie glued onto the front of your skating suit in red and blue sequins. Feathers of any kind are also out.
Ready … Aim … Fire … What really caught my fancy this time around though, was the biathlon – Wow! These gals cross-country ski up and down a bunch of trails with a sharp-shooters’ rifle strapped to their backs. At designated sites along the course, they stop, lie down, and fire away until they have landed 5 precision shots on their target, at which point they are allowed to continue with the race. What a blast! As far as biathla-fashion goes, the tight, colorful, spandex unitards are very flattering – kind of like Spanx outerware. Based on the beyond-grueling ordeal of the multi-calorie-busting biathlon event, I’m guessing that body fat and visible panty lines are a non-issue.
I’m thinking that we can adapt the biathlon event to the local scenario … Our 9-hole golf group can jog around the neighborhood with a 7-iron and a bucket of balls lashed to our backs … stopping every now and then to punch a few chip shots onto peoples’ front lawns. It’ll be great! I’ll start designing our uniforms!
The Take-Away: Fashion forward or not, the Olympic games are both daunting and inspiring for the spirit and vigor that they celebrate. And, if anyone can find a spare pair of those adorable red official Olympic mittens, please send them my way. I’ll pay ya back in Canadian, there ey.