Pre-Ramble:  This just in — that toothy marmot, Punxsutawney Phil crawled out of his lair earlier today and saw his stupid shadow, which means we get another six wretched weeks of winter. 

I take umbrage to that, you lethargic rodent!

You know, there is totally a conflict of interest here. According to the National Geographic News, as per the Groundhog Day tradition,

“If Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his temporary burrow—a simulated tree stump at the rural site of Gobbler’s Knob—on February 2 and sees his shadow, winter weather will continue for six more weeks. But, if Phil doesn’t see his shadow, then spring temperatures are just around the corner.”

Basically, this means that a “shadow” call buys P. Phil six more weeks of lollygagging in his lair, whereas, the “no shadow” call means an immediate suspension of hibernation mode. Any weasel with half-a-brain could figure that one out.

Plus, folks over at the U.S. National Climatic Data Center (NCDC) have estimated that “while Phil’s proponents maintain that his predictions are 100 percent accurate, … Phil is only correct about 40 percent of the time…”

“… By taking Phil’s predictions and comparing them with average temperatures in February and March, [we have been able to determine that there have been] many years when Phil’s predicted six more weeks of winter weather, and February and March turned out to be warmer than average.”

Pathetic!  This celebrated varmint has got one job to do — make a single, stinking weather prediction – and he only scores right 40 percent of the time?!   He’s got a lot of nerve and one heck of a PR firm. 

The Take-Away:  All this fuss for a two minute photo op and some lame guesstimate?!  …  In a nod to the new millennium, let’s upgrade the format … That chubby rascal may as well change his name to G-Hog, stay in his flippin’ burrow, flip a coin, and Tweet the outcome on his fan page.

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