Pre-Ramble: A rainy day in NYC makes negotiating the sidewalk scene even more of a challenge; umbrellas and puddles necessitate a lot of bobbing and weaving.

Heading up Madison Avenue, around 60^th Street or so, I end up walking on the heels of this quirkily dressed guy, darting across against the light. Mid-street, Quirky Guy, whom I have named Wile E. for reasons which will become clear shortly, glances back at me over the top of his thick, hip, black glasses (think Elvis Costello, but less intentionally nerdy) to conspiratorially declare that we were being “very risky” … To which I replied, “We’re going to be flattened … like Wile E. Coyote … “

He smirked and slowed his pace to engage further. We walk a few more blocks, each under our respective umbrellas, chatting about stupid stuff … the weather … anvils (not really, but I wish I would have interjected that) … and he asks where I’m from. When I say Minnesota, he says, “Oh, yes, you’ve got that Midwest accent … “ then adds, “Like Fargo!” I roll my eyes in my mind and reply, “Yup, like Fargo …” (Note: People from the northern Midwest states should get a royalty of some kind every time somebody invokes the movie Fargo within a 25 foot radius of our person.)

We briefly discuss Frances McDormand’s career and then I ask, “So, where are you from?” Wile smugly states that he is from “L.A. … “ …. “Ah,” I say, trying to muster up a little energy around my bad attitude toward the shallow, sprawling metropolis that is Los Angeles.

Wishing to shift the topic, I quickly ask, “So, what do you do?”  “Hairdresser,” he shoots back, flashing a curious grin. “Oh,” I say, … “Great, …” (While really thinking, “NOT great,” … doing a quick scan of my lame headband and ponytail) …  I continue, “What brings you to New York?” He answers, “Workin’ on a movie,” (more smugness).  “Oh,” I perk up, … “What movie?”  He says a movie title that has “bad” and “bosses” in it, which registers some flicker of familiarity, … I think I’ve seen the preview … something silly and a little smutty … but I can’t place who’s in it … maybe it’s Cameron Diaz … maybe Jennifer Aniston …maybe one of those other young-ish, blonde actresses …   Rather than conjecture further, I ask, “So, who’s hair do you do?”

“The actress who is in the movie,” is the coy response. I give him a look, and he instantly volunteers, “Jennifer Aniston …” then pauses for my response.

I raise my eyebrows and affirm his statement with the proper level of shock and awe … “Oh, wow, … Jennifer Aniston”… “She has great hair … “ …    (In all deference to Wile’s work, I’m thinking, “So, what, … you like blow it dry and straighten it, maybe?”)  Actually, I might have said that out loud, because he shoots back with, “Oh, my god, you need to blah, blah, blah with mousse on the roots, and blow it to blah, blah, blah, and weave the color, blah, blah … “  I understand his need to justify this, and acknowledge that Ms. Aniston’s hair (shown above) is “iconic” and “always looks remarkable” ….

As we move up the street, Wile regroups from my underwhelming response and points out a ruffly taupe trench coat in a shop front window. More stating than asking he notes, “Isn’t that stunning? …. Just stunning!”  I reply that while it is indeed stunning, it would look ridiculous in Minnesota.  He chastises me with a few remarks about how it’s all attitude and personal style (has the guy ever actually BEEN in a mall?) … A few short blocks later, Wile reaches his destination (Fred Leighton – sooo Hollywood) and bids me a good rest of my visit to New York. I wish him well in return and continue to splash my way uptown.

Later that night, I’m mucking around online and decide to check into Wile’s backstory to see whether all that Jennifer Aniston/movies talk was just a load of crap. And, let me just say, that even if he wasn’t legit, he should win an award for “Most Convincing Hairdresser to the Stars Impersonation Ever.”

Shut up! So, before I can finish typing the second “s” in “hairdresser,” up pops Wile’s mug along with a bunch of press shots of Jennifer Aniston, Penelope Cruz and Victoria Beckham. Apparently, not only is Wile a hairdresser, he is a very well-known hairdresser – with his own line of products and a namesake salon in Beverly Hills. Wile is a.k.a. Chris McMillan (shown below) … long-time good friend and part of Aniston’s “entourage.”

Clearly, I am not up on my True Hollywood Story, and must have been a tremendous source of frustration for my Mr. Hairdresser to the Stars. (Thought starter: If some random gal from the Midwest doesn’t recognize you on the street, or worse, not know who you are after a quick bio, are you actually the hot shot you think you are?)

Actually, in spite of the fact that I didn’t know he was such a big deal, Wile was a great chat and I really enjoyed spending a few blocks shooting the breeze with him. My only regret was that, in all my obliviousness, I didn’t ask if he was free to do a little cut and color on my desperately-in-need tresses.

Wile! Baby! … if you’re still in town, I promise I’ll be more sycophantic if you could give me a quick Hollywood “do” to take back to “Fargo.”  If I like it, you can be part of my entourage too.

Pre-Ramble: So, for the past couple of days I have been delivering my college sophomore daughter to New York City for a summer internship.

Phew!! …. I’d love to be blogging about how great New York is and all of the fun we’ve been having setting up shop in the sublet apartment, finding the nearest grocery store and practicing riding the subway, but all I can think about at the moment is, “Man, do my feet hurt … !”

Seriously, I was wearing what I thought were the most comfy, versatile, stylish, FLAT shoes on the planet (not them at right), but clearly, if the blistered pulp that is the bottoms of my feet are any indication,  I was sorely mistaken.

On the face of it, this painful condition could be considered a problem. However, as one who likes to walk on the sunny side of life, I prefer to see it as an opportunity — I am going to need to get myself a new pair of shoes!

Have we got a shoe for you! And, if a gal is in the market for some new shoes, the Big Apple is a great place to look. As home to Sex in the City’s Carrie Bradshaw, NYC has shoes of every imaginable shape, style and price point including strappy little beauties by designers Jimmy Choo, Christain Louboutin and Manolo Blahnik.

I’m sure these are lovely shoes, however, after my experience of the last two days, I’m going to need a pair that can stand up to some serious street walking. (Not THAT kind of street walking.)  I can’t be pounding the pavement and dodging cabs while teetering en pointe …

The Take-Away: Well, whatever I end up with, I assure you it won’t be the footwear we saw at the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art this afternoon.  The brilliantly disturbed, now deceased designer came up with what he called the “armadillo shoe” (shown above) … A sculptural, but virtually unwearable contortion that makes the ends of his subjects legs (where  feet would normally go) look like elaborate, clunky, other-worldly hooves.

Alexander was a very creative guy, but “crippled Dasypodidae” isn’t quite the look I’m going for.  Do you have anything in a ”sensible, sturdy” size 8M?

Pre-Ramble: Well, as promised, here is the brand, spanking new profile picture (shown at right) … Stunning – yes?

I am so happy with the outcome, mostly because (and maybe I’m just speaking for myself here), as we discussed in the last blog post, unless you’re a Super Model, a good photo of yourself is super hard to come by.

I’m usually on the business end of any cameras in my world, and the rest of the time I am prepared to rough up anyone who tries to point a loaded Canon in my direction.  Plus, there are so many ways that a simple head shot can go wrong …

• the location can be too cluttered or cheesey …
• your outfit can be too busy or boring …
• you can show up with a bad haircut …
• you freeze in front of the camera and end up with dozens of variations on stupid facial expressions …
• too much light and you’re blown-out and squinting …
• too little, and you’re a shadow puppet …

It’s all about your face. Sounds so simple, right?  And it kind of is. For this shot, for example, we were in an average room … no props, no faux finish backdrop, no gazebos … just the walls and a bank of windows … (good lighting is key).  I was wearing neutral colors and a simple neckline with very little jewelry. My hair was uncomplicated, and I had on just enough make-up to give my face some definition. Took some with glasses on, some with ‘em off.

Full disclosure: (Well, and, ok … the planets were all lined up and there may have been some kind of soft focus filter involved.)

Good photography also requires a good photographer.  The guy I used knew his stuff. He dragged me close to the diffused light from the windows, stood on a chair, and told me to smile …

Say CHEEEESEE!!! (He never said this.)

The Take-Away: A good photograph of yourself can capture your essence at a specific point in time.  Celebrate this moment.  It’s fleeting.

Can of worms. The trouble is, you now have a new gold standard. Right away you’ll want to purge the universe of all other photos of you and replace them with the new and improved one.  Second, you are totally going to have to rethink your personal appearances. It’s not like you can hold up an 8 X 10 of your go-to photo in the grocery store and say, “My hair looks frightening today, but I really look like THIS !” … And, you can’t just scamper off in the middle of a conversation with, “Just one second while I step into this flattering light over here … ” … Or, make friends and colleagues put on special “soft focus” glasses before they can look directly at you …

I guess until we come up with a better plan, I’ll just have to wear a big hat and sunglasses and send everyone to my website.

Pre-Ramble: Well, like a tetanus shot (only way more painful), the successful professional needs to keep their profile picture/headshot up-to-date.  In this age of Google, Facebook, Linked-in and Skype (YouTube is a whole nother animal … ), … you and every other person out there is potentially just one click away from disaster … (Do I even need to reference Brett Farve or Representative Weiner here?)

The prevalence and consequence of personal photography brings a whole new meaning to Nicholas Negroponte’s “Being Digital.”  The technological revolution has created the need for a professional “presence” in the digital marketplace. Not only do you need a clean, professional looking website, you also need a clean professional-looking photo of yourself to post there.

“Say Cheeeese!” A good headshot is not optional, it’s imperative. It’s bad enough that relatives and high school chums you haven’t seen in years can click you up on Facebook and see samples of your squirrely mug candid camera style, … 20 million people, including potential clients, can do so as well.  Interested parties want a glimpse into who you are and what you do, and, as they say, “a picture is worth a thousand words.”

This is good news/bad news for all those generation X, Y and Z’ers who grew up with a camera in their face. These kids are not only tech savvy, they are also extremely well-versed in taking pictures of each other and themselves — a ridiculous number of pictures — usually at arm’s length in dorm rooms.

As an old school gal, I probably have less than 20 pictures of myself IN LIFE that I would consider “good.” As a mom, I’m usually the one behind the camera capturing all the little golden moments, … which actually works out great, as the prospect of calling in my hair and make-up people on the short notice required to look stunning in spontaneous family photos is limited.

Face it. While the thought of having a professional portrait taken is excruciating, at some point, you just have to face it.  Using a picture of yourself that you have cropped out of a group photo is NOT professional. Same goes for the one where you are clearly on vacation in a tropical climate and all but have a fruity umbrella drink just off camera. (I have done both of these.)

The Take-Away: So, to this point, I will invite you to stay tuned as my personal photographer (love the sound of that … he’s actually a very talented, master of all things tech, whom I have adopted as a front line business support services resource) puts the finishing touches on what will be my new professional profile picture. At that time I will also provide a couple of professional photography pointers, from the perspective of the photograph-ee.

Pre-Ramble: As is my perennial tradition, I want to take a moment out of my yard-raking, weed-pulling, mosquito-smacking pre-summer ritual to send my deepest, most sincere apologies to the fine gentleman who owned this house before us.

We arrived on the scene on a weekend house-hunting trip in early February — no flora, fauna or other foliage to be found on the snow-covered wooded lot.  But there were pictures – lots of pictures - alongside detailed views of compelling architectural features were pictures of lush ferns and colorful garden beds. The real estate agent went on about how the homeowner was a Master Gardener (whatever that was … ) and how the plantings were strategically phased to bloom at various points in the season … blah, blah. Very nice. Yes, we’ll take it.

On move-in day, still oblivious to the magnitude of the situation which lay ahead, I politely filed the computer-generated map of hedges, trees and groupings of flowering plants with long Latin names in the foyer closet along with a dusty binder of household repair receipts and went about life.

Well, so, that first spring, determined to keep up what was clearly designed to be a splendid  landscape, I slapped on a pair of garden gloves and set out to do a little pruning and weeding.  What I failed to account for was the vague similarity that marks the new shoots of unfamiliar plants before they have had a chance to assert themselves.

Long story short. I must have pulled out thousands of dollars worth of exotic perennial specimens in a single afternoon.

The Take-Away: So, as I have done each spring for the past twelve years, I would like to offer my sincerest apologies to both the supreme garden gods and to the former homeowner/Master Gardener (I now know what that is … which makes the state of the grounds all the more regrettable) … for under-watering, over-watering, miss-pruning, uprooting, and otherwise destroying the reportedly lovely gardens which were bequeathed into my care.

Post Note: Do you hear all that squealing?  It’s the marigolds and impatiens at our local nursery.  They hear me coming.

Pre-Ramble: I can barely stand it. The new and improved ”food icon” designed to replace the current out-of-favor “Food Guide Pyramid” was revealed today at 10:30 EST … live-streamed at www.usda.gov/live … (or, if you were in the USDA’s Jefferson Auditorium, USDA South Building, 1400 Independence Ave., S.W., Washington, D.C., you heard the announcement live).

I’ve aired my beefs around the relative user-unfriendliness of the Food Pyramid in previous blog posts. The first rendition of food consumption guidelines was introduced in 1958 and has been “updated” several times over the years to reflect various advances in nutritional science. The most recent version of the chart, released in 2005 with a staircase up one side to signify the exercise component, has been much-maligned by nutritionists who claim that it is “hopelessly complicated, impossible to teach and requires the use of a computer.”

According to Fox News online, (“USDA Scraps Food Pyramid for Plate” … LOVE that headline!), the spiffy new design (shown above right) features “a dinner plate cut into four sections – red for fruit, green for vegetables, orange for grains and purple for protein – with a separate section resembling a cup on the side for dairy … ” (At first glance, I was sure that spot was designated for a cupcake.)

WebMD nutrition director Kathleen Zelman, RD calls the new MyPlate symbol ”an icon that works” …

“We now have an easy-to-understand layout of what constitutes a healthy meal … Whether you are grocery shopping, packing lunches, or assembling a meal on a plate, the new food plate icon will serve as a constant reminder of the essential ingredients for a nutritious meal — five easy pieces.

The icon makes it clear that fruits and veggies should make up half of your meal, while protein is the smallest part of the plate. The grain portion is a bit larger and still offers the advice to “make half your grains whole … ”

The Take-Away: I’ve got some reservations about the ability of the MyPlate icon and campaign (there’s bound to be an app for this) to produce real change, but overall, Yay! … Any strategy that can bring awareness and healthier eating habits to our nutritionally challenged nation is a great thing. I’m just glad they didn’t trade out the pyramid for a pie chart, which would have sent the totally wrong message (see French Silk Pie Chart below).