Pre-Ramble: April Fool’s Day is often memorable for the rash of lame pranks that befall the unsuspecting fool. Yesterday however, April 1st, 2010 was simply “a great day to be a particle physicist,“ exclaimed Rolf Heuer, director general of the European Nuclear Research Organization (CERN).

At 12:06 pm BST, the much hailed Large Hadron Collider (LHC) was once again operable after having been unceremoniously shut down by a “massive electrical failure” (uber-glitch) minutes after its inaugural spin in 2008. Cheers and applause broke out as scientists witnessed the two counter-rotating beams of protons accelerate to nearly the speed of light along the 27km circular tunnel 100 meters below the French-Swiss boarder.

The hope here is that the speedy protons will be forced into a series of head-on collisions creating “tiny fireballs” that mimic conditions that were present in the universe “during the fractions of a second after the big bang” … 13.7 billion years ago. (How we know that these conditions were actually present 13+ billion years ago is the topic for another day, I suppose.)  Fabiola Gianotti, spokesperson for the collaborative effort explains the significance of the event,

“With these record-shattering collision energies, the LHC experiments are propelled into a vast region to explore, and the hunt begins for dark matter, new [energy] forces, new dimensions and the Higgs boson …”

The Take-Away: Well, I hope they have the video camera set up. Wouldn’t it just be such a drag to have spent all this time and energy (not to mention the $6 billion) getting this all set up only to miss the big moment while texting or yawning or whatever you’re doing while waiting to see if something is going to happen? Like missing your kid’s only goal for the entire soccer season while digging around in your purse for a piece of gum.

Post-Note:  Doesn’t the photo of the inner-workings of the LHC look like a BSF (Big Spring Flower)?

Pre-Ramble: Ok, that’s it.  Somebody needs to start keeping a closer eye on these scientific break-through, expert, researcher people.

Just when I thought I was on the righteous road to health and happiness …  All those good clean living habits – green leafy foods …, running circles around myself …, popping vitamin D’s …, flossing regularly…, cutting back on sweets (a little) …, and, ever since Conan went off the air, even getting a decent amount of sleep. … I figured that I had more than checked that box that asks, “Are you basically taller than you are wide?” …

Well, now, according to a study conducted at the Mayo Clinic, “fat” can be a significant factor in your health, even if you look and weigh in THIN. !

So, basically what they’re telling me is that I can work out and eat “super-foods” ’til I’m blue in the face (blueberries have topped the superfoods list for a couple of years running), and I could still be considered a fatty? 

No way.

Yes way. Cardiologist Francisco Lopez-Jimenez and his team have studied body-mass index data from over 6,000 Americans and found that those who looked to be of normal weight but had a high percentage of body fat were “at significantly greater risk of future heart problems than those with lower amounts of fat … their bodies behave like they are obese, but they are not.” Lopez-Jimenez estimates that as many as 30 million Americans could fall into the category which he has named “normal-weight-obesity.”

Great. We thought we were a nation of slovenly, rotund, bacon-eaters BEFORE — NOW, even the folks who can slither into their skinny jeans are potentially suspect. And, even if we are able to cinch that belt in another couple of notches, the only way to know for sure if you are obese … or rather, “at increased risk,” is to measure the fat to muscle ratio. 

While there’s not yet an app for that, body fat can apparently be measured using a special scale that passes a small electrical current through body tissue. (Look for the study that finds that the majority of people who measure body fat index with these special scales are at increased risk for repeated electrocution to the feet.)

I’m sorry, but I am not going to pull my head out of the sand to buy into every one of these scientific break-throughs that comes along – at least not right away. Remember when eggs were evil and oat bran was going to save the world?  Remember when we were supposed to eat a whole bunch of fish? … until — wait, … just kidding,… too much of that stuff will give you mercury poisoning … I’m just saying … what’s next? Are scientists going to try and tell us that dinosaurs had red tail feathers??  Please!!

The Take-Away:  I think I’ll wait a a couple of months to see if the research holds up before I run out and throw myself onto the taser-scale.  I guess until we’re able to put some healthy skepticism into scientific speculation, my best suggestion is moderation in all things, and just in case they’re actually on to something — shake those tail feathers once in a while!!

Pre-Ramble: Well, if you’re sitting at your computer reading this blog, you’re probably going to want to read real fast and then get up and take a lap …

This just in: Health experts warn that “sitting is deadly.”

That’s right. Sitting. Sitting in your office, … in the car, … on the couch, … at the movies, … on the porch, … at the dinner table … wherever…

Apparently, it doesn’t matter where the sitting takes place, it’s all about the overall number of hours spent in a seated position.  According to an article in this week’s British Journal of Sports Medicine,

After four hours of sitting, the body starts to send harmful signals … genes that regulate the amount of glucose and fat in the body start to shut down … Research is preliminary, but several studies suggest that people who spend most of their days sitting are more likely to be fat, have a heart attack or even die.”

Get up, lard butt. I always feel antsy when I have to sit in a meeting for longer than 45 minutes, … I can practically feel the blood pooling in my ankles and the few traces of muscle fiber left in my big old fanny breaking down, but I always thought that was just me being impatient or squirrely. Now I know that it’s actually the genes in my backside degenerating. 

It’s clear that there needs to be a whole lot more research and some useful metrics on this scenario. For example, are these researchers telling me that a marathon-runner sitting on the beach in a lounge chair is in greater danger than, say, a truck driver standing at the bar eating a double cheese-steak?  When does the “generally-accepted-as-healthy-sitting-down-person” trump the “generally-accepted-as-unhealthy-standing-up-person”?  I need to see a graph. 

Well and then …  Have you ever wondered if articles that appear side-by-side in the newspaper ever read each other?  I’m pretty sure they don’t, or else a researcher from the ”Sitting is deadly“ article would totally have called the researcher from the adjacent, “Young people are getting more screen time than ever” article to sound the alarm.

This doesn’t sit well …  A ten-year-long study conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation on 2,000 young people between the ages of 8 and 18 confirms that youth are now spending more hours on the computer, in front of a television, playing video games, texting and listening to music than an adult spends full-time at work — more than 53 hours per week. The study goes on to report a positive correlation between kids who spent the most time in front of electronic media and earning poor grades, getting into trouble and reporting that they are “often sad.”

With the exception of the Wii, an entire generation of kids - millions and millions of them – will have been sitting on their failing sorry asses in front of a screen for the better part of their lives. The public health ramifications could be daunting; the personal health ramifications, even more so.

The Take-Away: For gosh sake, GET UP AND MOVE AROUND! 

Pre-Ramble: So, 2010 is the 50th anniversary of the invention of Light Amplification by Simulated Emission of Radiation – a.k.a. the LASER. 

I know!! What are you going to wear?!

Yep - 50 years ago, scientists messing around with light and mirrors came up with a snazzy new way to do everything from encoding information on discs to sending information over fiber-optic cables to enticing a cat. 

As with most game-changing discoveries, the laser has its roots in the work of Albert Einstein, specifically his paper, Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung (On the Quantum Theory of Radiation). Einstein toyed with the absorption and emission of electromagnetic radiation to arrive at the fact that highly-focused particles of light are able to accomplish amazing things. I simplify this explanation for our purposes here because there were many brilliant minds and turf-wars involved in the evolution of the laser concept and its applications, … and also because I don’t actually understand most of it.

The point (heh-heh) that I would like to build upon is that the laser gets its power from being focused. I’m thinking that there are many areas of our personal and professional lives that would benefit from a little extra intentional attention. Particularly in this age of digital technology, successful individuals and companies seem to benefit from a defined focus for their chosen career, product, service or point of view. Many effective brands use a highly effective drag-net of conventional and new social media mechanisms that bring focus to their agenda. 

My man, Sven – Even our local weather guy uses the power of focus. He builds ratings by hosting ancillary programming, writing a blog, playing front man for mobile weather applications, cheer-leading the Facebook fan page, and Twittering pithy meteorological fun facts. This nearly constant source of purposed noise serves to direct attention from many diverse angles to a single focal point — all roads lead to Sven as the go-to source for information about the weather.

Like the “narrow-wavelength electromagnetic spectrum monochromatic light” of a laser, the weather guy and his PR team have identified and established him as an expert in his subject matter area and work hard to promote that focused identity. Here, the concept of “focus” not only works to clarify or define an entity from the inside out, but it also creates a point that can be “found” by energy/attention from the outside in. Somewhere between goal setting and the “Law of Attraction,” what is defined and “put out there” into the world becomes something that “the world” can then respond to.

The Take-Away:  Whether you are drafting a college application essay, making a case for a business proposition, or setting up some personal improvement goals, the more clearly articulated these narratives or plans can be, the more likely they are to be realized. As you work to advance your goals for 2010, take a minute to consider ways that you can focus your approach to bring about a more successful outcome. (If you’re writing a blog for example, write on a topic that can support what you are doing in other areas of your life, rather than digressing around some lame anniversary of quantum radiation … I bet there wasn’t even cake.)

Pre-Ramble: If there are two things that deserve our attention as we head into 2010, it’s neuroscience and cake mix. I’m talking about recent scientific breakthroughs as they relate to middle-aged mind power and the astounding news that General Mills’ Betty Crocker has 50,000 fans on Facebook.

Brain science first — According to NY Times health editor Barbara Strauch, many long held views around the decline of the aging human brain have been reconsidered.  The propensity to forget names and be easily distracted from tasks has now been reframed to suggest that … (what was I talking about? … )

“… What is stuffed into your head may not have vanished, but has simply been squirreled away in the folds of your neurons.” 

I’ll own that I have gotten more squirrely with age, but I’m pretty sure my neurons are more rumpled than folded.  New research claims that brains, with just a little strategic maintenance, continue to develop through and well beyond middle age.  The trick is to “keep brain connections in good shape and to grow more of them.” Probably easier said than done. Apparently, every moment that passes unawares is an opportunity lost toward building and maintaining precious neural pathways. It’s a wonder more of us aren’t wandering the halls of the care center with drool on our cardigans.

It seems that, as adults, we have developed a series of well-worn pathways among the connectors/synapses in our brains. Dr. Kathleen Taylor, professor at St. Mary’s College of California suggests that these synapses should be “jiggled a bit” by confronting people, situations and ideas that are contrary to one’s usual fare.  We need to ”crack the cognitive egg and scramble it up” in order to create what Jack Mezirow, professor emeritus at Columbia Teachers College, calls a “disorienting dilemma” … a situation or phenomenon that causes one to “critically reflect on the assumptions they’ve acquired.” 

Snappy synapses – Well, if that’s the way this works, I must have the healthiest neural pathways in the Universe. Since the dawn of the digital age, I have been subjected to a daily assortment of “disorienting dilemmas” … word processing, email, instant messaging, texting, skyping, podcasts, paypal, google groups … and the barrage of confounding technological developments doesn’t show any signs of letting up. Social media of every ilk is clamoring for attention … Facebook, LinkedIn, … apps for this and apps for that … and the scariest thing with the cutest name – Twitter. Everybody is going on about how Twitter is revolutionizing the world, and if a guy wants to even try to keep up with society they should start sending uber-witty Tweets to a whole bunch of people ASAP. 

If she can do it …  Cut to Golden Valley, Minnesota where traditional marketing methods at the Betty Crocker test kitchens have given way to aggressive forays into the land of social media. Forget bake-offs and box tops … old-school Betty Crocker has a thriving Facebook page and an iPhone app that lets users check recipes and kibitz with top chef experts. 

… Betty Crocker!?!  No stagnant synapses there!  The perky gal in the apron has been operating on the cutting edge of technology since 1926 when her radio debut signaled the nation’s first cooking show. (The broadcast featured thirteen different actresses working from radio stations across the country and ran for twenty-four years.)

The Take-Away:  Heck! If she can do it, … I can do it!  Betty is keeping her synapses sharp by staying on top of new media trends. We can all take a page out of her book on that!

Post-Note:  Ok, so even though I am clinging to the outer edges of the technological footprint that God intended for me, maybe it wouldn’t kill me to tweak my tech-neurons a little bit more.  Setting up a Twitter account is probably pretty straightforward. I’m even thinking that crafting messages made up of no more than 140 characters could be considered fun …  … I guess the real dilemma is convincing myself that:

a) I have the time and inclination to stop what I’m doing several times a day to send out a pithy communique; and

b) I have the kind of noteworthy swagger that merits mass communication.  (Who besides Ashton Kutcher does really?) 

Am I ready to be tethered to a constant technology-based duty that is fraught with outside expectations?  (I will be the first to admit that I hid, sabotaged or otherwise destroyed my kids’ Tamagotchi nano-pets back in the mid-90′s.)  … Hmmmm …… maybe I’ll just have another piece of super-moist chocolate cake and ponder that.

Pre-Ramble: Buried in the newspaper between stories about the Palin book tour and Tiger’s “bad lie” is a tiny snippet worth writing about — In an effort to show young kids “how cool science can be,” President Obama has announced that he will convene a national science fair in 2010 to honor young inventors “with the same gusto that professional athletes celebrate their victories” at the White House. Knucks to that, oh, self-proclaimed Nerd-in-Chief!

I’m fired up about this news for a couple of reasons … First, because I love science fairs!  If it involves pipe cleaners and paper Mache — I’m in!  … Adobe villages made out of popsicle sticks … the African veldt in a shoebox — bring it on! You can imagine my thrill when the kids came home with the annual science fair flyers in their backpacks. 

One year, I was able to convince my daughter to do a project on the solar system.  Designed to demonstrate the sizes of the planets relative to the sun, we called it, “What if the Sun was a Basketball?”  … The poor kid never saw it coming.  She looked on in disbelief as I raced around the kitchen in search of small round objects that could represent Mars … “Do you think it should be a marble or a pea? … Do we know anybody with a bebe gun? … What about a poppy seed for Mercury?? … How in the heck are we going to get this tennis ball to stick on the tag board???”  As I recall, we got an A on it (and nobody misses that green bocce ball).

The art of science.  The second reason I’m so charged about the White House science fest is that where there’s science, art isn’t far behind. Like art, science is the result of the inspiration of brilliant minds. From the tiniest pixel to the largest expanse of the universe, the collective scope of art and science is vast and wondrous. Whether you’re dealing with neutrinos or Neoclassicism, the same kind of inquiry and invention is at play. Designer Bruce Mau describes the symbiotic relationship between art and science:

” … My commitment to scientific knowledge in no way diminishes my belief in the mystery and power of the arts. It is art that sings to us and opens our hearts to one another. It is art that gives meaning to things that would otherwise go unnoticed … that connects us to our past … that laughs at our hubris and limitations, while speaking to us of the darkness we cannot say out loud. In the end, it is art that allows us to understand, express and share science. While science works to order the matter of the world, art orders the meaning of the world. In my practice of design these two worlds of meaning and matter, of aesthetics and scientific knowledge, of quality and quantity, of mystery and certainty, of intuition and expertise, come together to create new possibilities for shaping our world.”

The Take-Away: Put on the safety goggles and throw down some tarps – the next wave of brilliant and inspired minds is headed to Washington. In the great search for knowledge and discovery, art and science are essential elements.

Post-Note: Visions of kryptonite …  If you’re looking for an artfully scientific stocking stuffer, look no further than The Elements: A Visual Exploration of Every Known Atom in the Universe. There is also an amazing website that brings the Periodic Table of Elements to life.

Pre-Ramble:  We interrupt this blog entry to bring you a breaking weather alert … (just when you thought that nothing new could possibly happen in that random wacky world of meteorology… ) … 

Hailed as the first newly reported cloud formation in more than 50 years, the ominous-looking undulatus asperatus (Latin for turbulent undulation and not it at right) has been sighted in the Scottish Highlands.  Characterized by a droopy “rolling wavy effect,” the “atmospheric anomaly” is being considered for induction into the International Cloud Atlas.

I know!!  Gavin Pretor-Pinney, president of the UK-based Cloud Appreciation Society couldn’t be more pleased:

The formation has probably been around for a long time, but it’s only now getting attention … before the Internet and digicams, people might have mentioned it to a few friends and that would be it… Once the news got out, I was inundated with emails [and photos].”

Powerful, universal and unpredictable, the weather is probably the most frequently used conversation starter on the planet … “How ’bout that weather?? … Hot enough for ‘ya??” … It’s no wonder then, why the Weather Channel, founded 30 years ago by Frank Batten Sr., who passed away earlier this month at the age of 82, continues to be such a hit. Rob Long describes its appeal in the Wall Street Journal (9/18/09):

Despite a widely held belief in the television industry that a channel devoted entirely to the weather would not and could not work, [Batten Sr.] started one. He called it, with refreshing and diabolical directness, the Weather Channel. … It was a pretty instant sensation. People, it turns out, absolutely love the weather. … The Weather Channel delivers its information in the most tedious way possible — through static grids and blurry maps — but, for some reason, we keep watching. Its dryness is a big part of its appeal … just cold fronts and high-pressure areas … just the constant regular clockwork of a planet, raining and snowing and shining with indifference on us all … “

Weather is all around us — temperature, humidity, rainfall, prevailing wind, dew point, snow storms, and hail the size of name your round object here.  Weather is constant, and constantly changing. It literally provides a backdrop for our days and adventures, and for our lives.  Memorable moments are imprinted with the ”atmosphere” of the weather conditions at the time.

More than just a show – weather is a constant presence, a universally held experience, and a rich text for observation and metaphor.  Ralph Waldo was certainly on to something … the power to be mined in the quiet pondering of one’s environment — billowy wisps that drift above our heads on lazy afternoons or the sparkling sunlight on a small pond. Equally, if not more valuable for us in this hectic new millennium, is the awareness of the weather’s mighty presence on busy days.

The Take-Away:  Putting your head in the clouds can be a powerful strategy for living. Checking in with the mood, movement and context of weather systems can lift you out of your daily issues, help you get your bearings, put things in perspective, and inspire you to look at things in new ways. It is on this plane, this free, open and random space, that new, creative ideas and solutions can roll in.

Post Note: Based on a whimsical children’s book by Judi and Ron Barrett, recently released animated movie, “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs,” proves that the weather can inspire some pretty silly scenarios as well.

The general premise is that food falls benignly from the sky to feed the local townspeople (talk about the “five second rule”! … ).  Then the weather takes a turn for the worse — a sudden storm of giant pancakes (and downpour of maple syrup) that forces school closings, a salt and pepper wind (think of the sneezing), a tomato tornado (“seeds and pulp everywhere“), and of course, the headliner shower of meatballs — causing a whole bunch of problems. … Cute, … fun, … can’t wait to see the movie.  Excuse me while I head out to Perkins for a quick short stack.

Pre-Ramble:  Just when you think it’s safe to go to sleep, you hear a flapping sound coming from the bedroom window and realize that there’s a bat in the house. Such was the case last night, which is why I got no sleep, which is why I’m so crabby.

I hate bats. I’d rather have a mouse, or a spider, (maybe not a snake), or a flipping wooly mammoth, … TEN mice even, or TEN FLIPPING WOOLY MAMMOTHS, than have a bat in the house.

I know, … bats are good creatures … they provide a vital ecological role … blah, blah.  Sure, bats are the only mammals capable of flight.  Great, whatever.  If you can even call that “flight” … all that creepy fluttering and darting.  Apparently, over 70% of bats are insectivores, with the rest frugivores (eat fruit) and carnivores (eat people).  And, bats can range in weight from an itty-bitty 2 grams to a chunky 3 pounds. Just what we need is a 3 pound bat hanging around the fruit bowl.

911 - People have all sorts of ideas about how to apprehend a bat that gets into the house including scooping it out of the air with a bedsheet, taking a swing at it with a tennis racket, or flicking lights on and off (to what – “strobe” it into submission?). I prefer to duck under the covers and scream at nearby family members. (Which is better than what I did when I was living in one of my first apartments and I thought there was a mouse in the kitchen trash can, which was to call the police.) (They were super nice about it and carried it out into the backyard.)

The Take-Away: When all else fails, call Critter Control … 651-731-3865. For $125 they will come out to the house and comb the joint with nothing but their wits and a piece of sticky cardboard until they find the damn thing.

Post-Note: For all you bat lovers (you have serious problems), the “Bats” wall poster shown above can be yours for just $21.99, or $129.99 framed. Heck, for $129.99, you can come over here and play tennis with my bat, … or roll around in a sheet with my ten wooly mammoths.

Pre-Ramble: Every year it’s the same thing.  The weather guy goes on and on about how the Leonid meteors are in our area … and how they are going to be spectacular … and how we should go to a hill top away from city lights between the hours of 1 and 4 a.m. to see their magnificence.  They wax on about how the big show is only going to be visible for a limited time (like some kind of jewel-tone sweater set sale on the QVC), … and I get all fired up thinking that THIS will be the time that I finally see a shooting star.

Sure, I’ve seen shooting stars before. Once as a child when I was at a dude ranch in Arizona, and another time when I was a guest at an awesome retreat site in Carmel, California. But, in all the years I’ve been at home during prime meteor-shower time, I’ve never seen a single blip in the stupid sky. And it’s not like I’m standing under a marquee in Uptown … I’m camped out in my suburban driveway, the nearest street light is literally four miles away. It’s got to be some kind of scam.

Speaking of seeing stars, (not the TKO kind … ), we’re heading over to Hazeltine National Golf Club tomorrow to see if we can get a glimpse of the indomitable Tiger Woods working his magic on the links. After day one, Tiger is at the top of the leader board with a 5-under par 67. For those of you non-golfers, that’s a super good score. (I’m not bragging here, but I can easily shoot that in just 9 holes.)

At least on television, Tiger Woods has a physical presence and mental focus that seem almost otherworldly. A crushingly large gallery follows him from hole to hole along with an impressive security force (you can’t have people running over and chatting him up between holes in a competitive atmosphere so strict even the click of a camera can be a distraction). 

So, this year I dragged my daughters out on the meteor-watch with me.  If I’m going to see a shooting star, I want witnesses. It’s 1:27 a.m. and the three of us are sitting there in the dark, craning our necks skyward, waiting for a speck of space dust to streak past our field of vision.

Waiting …

Waiting … (necks are hurting … )

Waiting … (kids are getting restless … )

Waiting … (I am getting restless … )

And then, after what seems like an endless string of “oh-let’s-wait-just-one-more-minute” s, … as clear as day, … in the blink of an instant, … a small fiery ball shoots across the patch of sky between the trees.

The Take-Away: !!! 

Post Note: I’ll let you know if I witness any stellar shots at the PGA tomorrow –

Pre-Ramble: So, a “long-awaited study” of aging in rhesus monkeys indicates that the human life span can be “considerably extended” by severely restricting calorie intake. 

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin report that test subjects are showing many beneficial signs as an outcome of the reduced calorie diet including “significantly less diabetes, cancer, and heart and brain disease.” Monkeys on the restricted diet were expected to enjoy a life span extension of 10 to 20 percent. Researchers apparently regard this as “very good news.” 

Note to the UW research team — Good luck with that.  Personally, I get crabby if I miss a snack; there is no way I am going to sign up to live 10 to 20 percent longer and be LITERALLY STARVING the whole time.

The Take-Away:  It’s the old “quantity vs. quality” debate. Would you rather bite the bullet a little earlier with bits of chocolate-dipped waffle cone stuck in your teeth, or spend all of eternity on a treadmill popping flaxseed capsules? 

Tofu-celery smoothie anyone?