Pre-Ramble:  Just when you think it’s safe to go to sleep, you hear a flapping sound coming from the bedroom window and realize that there’s a bat in the house. Such was the case last night, which is why I got no sleep, which is why I’m so crabby.

I hate bats. I’d rather have a mouse, or a spider, (maybe not a snake), or a flipping wooly mammoth, … TEN mice even, or TEN FLIPPING WOOLY MAMMOTHS, than have a bat in the house.

I know, … bats are good creatures … they provide a vital ecological role … blah, blah.  Sure, bats are the only mammals capable of flight.  Great, whatever.  If you can even call that “flight” … all that creepy fluttering and darting.  Apparently, over 70% of bats are insectivores, with the rest frugivores (eat fruit) and carnivores (eat people).  And, bats can range in weight from an itty-bitty 2 grams to a chunky 3 pounds. Just what we need is a 3 pound bat hanging around the fruit bowl.

911 - People have all sorts of ideas about how to apprehend a bat that gets into the house including scooping it out of the air with a bedsheet, taking a swing at it with a tennis racket, or flicking lights on and off (to what – “strobe” it into submission?). I prefer to duck under the covers and scream at nearby family members. (Which is better than what I did when I was living in one of my first apartments and I thought there was a mouse in the kitchen trash can, which was to call the police.) (They were super nice about it and carried it out into the backyard.)

The Take-Away: When all else fails, call Critter Control … 651-731-3865. For $125 they will come out to the house and comb the joint with nothing but their wits and a piece of sticky cardboard until they find the damn thing.

Post-Note: For all you bat lovers (you have serious problems), the “Bats” wall poster shown above can be yours for just $21.99, or $129.99 framed. Heck, for $129.99, you can come over here and play tennis with my bat, … or roll around in a sheet with my ten wooly mammoths.

Pre-Ramble: While generally a mild-mannered person, I have been known to exercise my inner rebel by wearing wild pajamas. Without going into untoward detail, Target has an awesome brand of PJs made out of some kind of wonder-micro-fiber. Stretchy, wrinkle-proof, and more comfortable than all get out, these jammies come in a variety of bold colors and designs and are the perfect wardrobe choice for sleeping, lounging, (and blogging).

While perfect for many occasions, these jammies are not ideal for going out to get the morning newspaper. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that the end of my driveway was on some sort of parade route. Invariably, as I dash out to get the paper, I’ll be darned if somebody doesn’t come by at precisely that moment. We’re not talking about a distant drive-by — we’re talking about somebody, on foot, walking directly toward me in my pajamas. 

Busted!  It’s not like you can just turn around and bolt back into the house — you’ve already been sighted. No. Instead, like Wile E. Coyote standing on the “X” waiting for the anvil to fall, you’ve got to complete your mission, strolling casually out to the box and retrieving the paper as if there is nothing unusual about the situation. And, as if it’s not bad enough that you’re standing out on the street in wild pajamas, the oncoming person is probably close enough that you have to acknowledge them with some kind of eye-contact, or worse, an audible greeting. (I’ve found it best to say something like, “Good morning,” than what you really want to say.)

So today, while standing behind a tree while my husband fetched the paper, I heard some rustling overhead only to discover that there were two full-sized ducks sitting 40 feet up on a nearby tree branch.

Ducks! In a tree!? 

Probably any duck hunter worth his feathers knows that ducks hang out in trees. But to the average person, it just looks goofy. Ducks are bulky; they have a fuselage style body, and huge, flat, webbed feet. Ducks are not built to be up in trees, they are built to swim.  A duck in a tree is like Michael Phelps on the balance beam.

Turns out that these were wood ducks … elaborately decorated waterfowl, (shown above) which are generally found in wooded swampy areas in North America, and commonly nest in trees. Who knew?  Wood ducks will also build a nest in special “nest boxes” elevated four feet or higher near a lake or swamp. (Apparently a bunch of people knew about this; these boxes are all over the place.)

The Take-Away: This is just another reminder of why I love living in a wooded area — you just never know what kind of nature is going to happen. Today it was wood ducks in a tree; last year it was woodchucks in the backyard (and the five tiny woodchucklettes that would line up along the edge of the deck every afternoon to bask in the sun). 

The point is, having nature happen in your own backyard is both a pleasure and a privilege. We owe it to our fellow creatures to do what we can in our own sphere of influence to make the Earth a hospitable place for all of us. I’m not suggesting that you need to head over to Home Depot for wood-working supplies; just go a little green … recycle more stuff … spray less poison around in your yard … break for squirrels … Do what you can  

Post Note: If you are so inclined — to learn more about the “best practices” around wood duck nesting boxes, consult the Minnesota Wood Duck Society website. Unfortunately, we missed their annual meeting which was held on April 4th.