Pre-Ramble: So, for the past couple of days I have been delivering my college sophomore daughter to New York City for a summer internship.

Phew!! …. I’d love to be blogging about how great New York is and all of the fun we’ve been having setting up shop in the sublet apartment, finding the nearest grocery store and practicing riding the subway, but all I can think about at the moment is, “Man, do my feet hurt … !”

Seriously, I was wearing what I thought were the most comfy, versatile, stylish, FLAT shoes on the planet (not them at right), but clearly, if the blistered pulp that is the bottoms of my feet are any indication,  I was sorely mistaken.

On the face of it, this painful condition could be considered a problem. However, as one who likes to walk on the sunny side of life, I prefer to see it as an opportunity — I am going to need to get myself a new pair of shoes!

Have we got a shoe for you! And, if a gal is in the market for some new shoes, the Big Apple is a great place to look. As home to Sex in the City’s Carrie Bradshaw, NYC has shoes of every imaginable shape, style and price point including strappy little beauties by designers Jimmy Choo, Christain Louboutin and Manolo Blahnik.

I’m sure these are lovely shoes, however, after my experience of the last two days, I’m going to need a pair that can stand up to some serious street walking. (Not THAT kind of street walking.)  I can’t be pounding the pavement and dodging cabs while teetering en pointe …

The Take-Away: Well, whatever I end up with, I assure you it won’t be the footwear we saw at the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art this afternoon.  The brilliantly disturbed, now deceased designer came up with what he called the “armadillo shoe” (shown above) … A sculptural, but virtually unwearable contortion that makes the ends of his subjects legs (where  feet would normally go) look like elaborate, clunky, other-worldly hooves.

Alexander was a very creative guy, but “crippled Dasypodidae” isn’t quite the look I’m going for.  Do you have anything in a ”sensible, sturdy” size 8M?

Pre-Ramble: One of my favorite friends is a jewelry designer. She has her own little business — if you can call that work. She gets to play with rare and sparkly gemstones all day. She has a brown leather briefcase that she carries around and it’s filled with all kinds of exquisite stuff.

Anyway, every year she goes to Las Vegas to a giant jewelry trade show… Christmas in May, really. Vendors from all over the world bring their jewels to trade and sell. This year she said that vendors were very conscious of the strained economic scenario, and had a much less stringent set of conditions around sales. She also said that this year, everywhere she turned, people were selling estate jewelry (code for used jewelry, often from people who are deceased) — specifically tiaras.

Tiaras?

Suffice it to say that, up until that point, the notion of owning a tiara, possibly more than one, was completely foreign to me. Beyond princesses, beauty queens, brides and four-year-olds, who actually wears tiaras? (And, I am rather stunned that I was able to come up with four categories of people just then, who would look totally normal in a tiara.)

According to renowned jewelry authority, Diana Scarisbrick,

“The tiara is the hallmark of grace and distinction worn for centuries by nobility and high society and favored by movie stars and modern brides.” 

Ms. Scarisbrick has written a book that “traces the history and social context of tiaras, as well as the fascinating succession of owners of some especially remarkable [pieces] … showcasing an astonishing range of styles, shapes and configurations … and celebrating the artistry, glamour and romantic mystique of these exquisite objects.”

(Of course, if you google “tiara” you can also find a link to, “Tiara Town … your one-stop tiara paradise.”) It is also interesting to note that superheroine, Wonder Woman is often depicted wearing a tiara, and hers can be “used as a weapon.”

Ok – so let’s say I take the kid’s college fund to Vegas and splurge on my very own tiara. And, since I’m basically a thrifty type, let’s say it’s a used pre-owned vintage tiara.  How much am I spending on this thing?  What is the resale on a gently used tiara? I guess it depends on what kind of materials it is made of, the quality and condition of the stones, and whether or not it was formerly owned by somebody really cool, like Audrey Hepburn, The Queen Mother, or Dame Edna.

So, let’s say I get the tiara, and, like my first pair of red patent-leather shoes, I insist on wearing it home. Nobody notices in Vegas, it turns a few heads on the plane, and by the time the wheels hit the tarmac in the Twin Cities I feel like a complete freak. The tiara is probably not going to fly in Minnesota, home of the warm hot dish and sensible shoes — a blingy headband, maybe, but not a tiny bedazzled crown.

Think about it… Where am I wearing the tiara besides in my office? … Walking the dog? … Grocery shopping? … On the golf course? … To book club? … “Oh Kathie, is that a new tiara? … “  … I suppose it would work on New Year’s Eve or Halloween, or the next time I go to a coronation. If you know me, you know that I am generally pretty conservative when it comes to fashion. Can a tiara be worn with a turtleneck?

The Take-Away:  A quick consult with Nina Garcia’s “Little Black Book of Fashion” confirms my assumption that the tiara is not quite mainstream. However, while she makes no mention of the bejeweled headpiece specifically, there are plenty of guidelines around fashionable presentation. I think I have found a suitable tiara loophole on page 142, where Nina sums it all up by saying:

I have spent a good many seasons watching fashion trends come and go, style myths created and dismantled, hemlines rise and fall. The one solid piece of advice I have to offer is: don’t take it all too seriously… because, in the end you are the only judge that really matters. … Style is a matter of finding out who you are and who you want to be in the world. I hope you choose to be fabulous, daring, fun, inspired, and yourself.”

Clearly, what she means here is, “Go ahead — wear the tiara!”

Pre-Ramble: So, you get an invitation to an event and at the bottom below the RSVP in a tiny font is a line that says “Black tie optional” … What the heck does that mean?  Like “business casual,” these three words can strike fear into even the most hip of dressers. (The fact that I just used the word “hip” automatically disqualifies me from being that.)

If you’re an undertaker, James Bond, or hosting the Academy Awards, the black tie directive is pretty clear. Same goes for most wedding parties. In all other situations, the optional black tie designation is dicey. In this form of fashion Russian Roulette, chances are good that half the crowd will be over-dressed and half the crowd will be under-dressed.  Those folks who claim that it is better to be over-dressed than under-dressed never went to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. Every year we would show up in some form of holiday casual wear which, when you’re ten and it’s 1967, means a corduroy jumper, turtleneck, cable-knit tights and shoes with buckles. We would walk through that front door and every kid in the house had changed out of their “church clothes” hours ago and was rolling around on the floor in sweat pants and a t-shirt. 

According to wikipedia, a source widely known as an authority on fashion, an appropriate black tie ensemble can vary. In brief, the traditional components are:

• a short coat with silk facings (usually grosgrain or satin), also called the dinner jacket
• trousers with silk braids matching the lapels
• a black cummerbund or low-cut waistcoat
• a white dress shirt with either a stiff or pleated front
• black dress socks
• black shoes in patent or highly polished leather

Far beyond the confines of the requisite monkey suit, contemporary black tie outfits can incorporate many interesting variations including color-coordinated cummerbunds and ties, different colors and/or collars on shirts, or even different types of cut and materials. Elton John once performed in a tuxedo made entirely of feathers. 

If only it were that easy: Unfortunately, “black tie optional” is a thousand times more ominous for women. I’ll be the first one to jump at a chance to dress up for Halloween, but selecting appropriate formal wear is another matter entirely. The pitfall to dressing for special occasions is that there are so many ways that you can look wrong. Ellen DeGeneres is the only woman who can really pull off the “tuxedo look,” and the crisp-white-shirt-unbuttoned-down-to-there-with-black-pants-and-spike-heels option looks very sexy unless you’re sporting a pasty winter skin-tone and have little hope of rallying “the girls” into anything resembling cleavage. In a dress that’s too poufy, you look like you’re headed to the prom; too tight, you’re a hooker; in a more mature get-up, you’re mother-of-the-bride. Women have to consider length and neckline of dress, accessories, hair style, shoes, clutch and wrap; not to mention outdoor temperature, general terrain, duration of event, and whatever your escort will be wearing.

In her new book, The Little Black Book of Style, Nina Garcia, fashion editor at Elle Magazine and judge on the hit show Project Runway,  suggests that,

“Every time you dress, you assert some aspect of yourself and your identity. With style, you tell the world who you are, or at least the story of who you would like to be on that particular day.”

Great.  On this particular day in Minnesota it is nine degrees below zero - my polar fleece track suit and Uggs are telling the world that I don’t want to freeze my ass off in spaghetti straps or break an ankle careening around in some parking lot. Does Jimmy Choo have something in a strappy little snowshoe? I’m sure an ice ax won’t fit into my evening bag.

The Take-Away: Perhaps you can consider the “black tie optional” as another opportunity to step out of your comfort zone. Or, what the heck… wear whatever makes you feel fun, it’s usually dark anyway. Cheers to a happy, healthy and stylish New Year!

Post-note: Those of you living in the Arctic Circle who didn’t lose it all in the stock market might be interested in picking up one of these whimsical, uniquely-shaped evening bags fashioned from hand-glued Austrian crystals by designer, Judith Lieber.  The bag features a push down snap closure and detachable chain strap (looks like a rat-tail in photo at right). Comes beautifully boxed with a keepsake bag - $3,995.